i shouldnt be feeling this way about a grown man. as a grown woman(ha!) i should be able to step outside of my mind and realize that i am lovable and i am great to be around. i did just like that fucking belle and sebastian song told me not to do. “youre far too yound to put all of your hopes into one envelope”. and now here i am in austin for another year. i am so disenchanted and lonely in this town. and i hate being an assistant. i need my own classroom. i need to be in control of a room, my emotions, my everything! i had all of these hopes and dreams and i was confident in the start of a new relationship after years of nothing. i’m beautiful and fascinating, dammit! i just have no one to show that to. but i suppose i need to prove that to myself first.