well, there was a low and then a high and then a real low and then a high and now there is a what the fuck just happened. i am such a dumb girl. i need to read more. i need to get out more. i need to live more. i am way too consumed by this man. i don’t know what i’m doing anymore. what has become of me. i’m a pretty girl. a kind girl. but, i’m a girl so unsure of herself that no one could ever stand to be with her in this state. i really need to work on myself. i need some sort of balance. pft.
i shouldnt be feeling this way about a grown man. as a grown woman(ha!) i should be able to step outside of my mind and realize that i am lovable and i am great to be around. i did just like that fucking belle and sebastian song told me not to do. “youre far too yound to put all of your hopes into one envelope”. and now here i am in austin for another year. i am so disenchanted and lonely in this town. and i hate being an assistant. i need my own classroom. i need to be in control of a room, my emotions, my everything! i had all of these hopes and dreams and i was confident in the start of a new relationship after years of nothing. i’m beautiful and fascinating, dammit! i just have no one to show that to. but i suppose i need to prove that to myself first.
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